The third installments of this month's series of how applying three simple principles can help one overcome trying situations isn't nearly as earth-shattering as the two previous posts, but it was stressful none-the-less.
Event: Finding a new wedding venue six months before the wedding
Age at the Time: 34
In one's day-to-day life six months is often some impossibly future date that rarely needs much consideration. In the wedding world though, six months is practically tomorrow and needing to change one's venue "that close" to go-time can pose many challenges.
Rick (my now-husband) and I had wanted to get married at an Ashram that his father had helped found 50 years prior. It simply made sense since we were planning a Hindu-style ceremony. There would have been a lot of restrictions imposed (very limited alcohol, limited occupancy of the space, etc.) but we were willing to work with all that.
As planning progressed though, the relationship with the planning board grew increasingly cold and rigid. They were becoming inexplicably less willing to work with us, imposing more fees, never quite getting a written contract together, demanding numbers of guests who'd be staying the night on-site (even though formal invitations weren't being sent out for another few months) and over-all growing less and less welcoming of the idea of hosting our wedding on their grounds even though there's a wedding there at least once or twice a year.
After a very frustrating meeting with the coordinator they had assigned to us (whom we'd never met before or since despite her assurances that she was well acquainted with the planning board, many of whom we know personally), we finally cut ties and chose to look for another place to hold our wedding.
1) Don't play the victim
No hard feelings, we still love the Ashram and still visit as frequently as we're able.
Would I have preferred they just tell us straight up from the beginning that they didn't want to host our wedding? Yes. We would have thanked them and moved on, saving us a fair amount of headache of finding a new place and informing all our guests that they'd be traveling elsewhere for the big day.
(In case you're curious, the issue apparently came down to money. They weren't comfortable charging us the amount they would have needed to compensate for not being able to rent the space for some other more profitable event)
2) Keep calm and vigilant
Where was this fabled "elsewhere" going to be though?
The possibilities were overwhelming even within our limited price range and criteria of:
~Preferred outdoor ceremony
~Reception on-site
~Electricity and means of cooking food
~Parking and restrooms to accommodate our 100+ guestlist
Obviously it needed to be in easy driving distance for Rick & I.
Bonus if it was easy driving distance for the rest of our guests and close to an airport or two.
The biggest stipulation I put on finding a new location was that I didn't want to change the date of October 4th. We had already sent out the save-the-date cards and I didn't want to confuse people by giving them a new location and day to show up. I liked our date, and I wanted a fall wedding without getting too close to Halloween.
I decided I'd use the date to help narrow down our options.
3) Do what you can and then let go
There were a lot of late nights on the phone with my planner friend, surfing the web, looking at state parks, Elks Lodges, historical sites and the like.
Nothing really felt right though.
Driving to work one morning I was suddenly struck by the idea that we could do the wedding at Howe Caverns. It'd be perfect: being a tourist location, they're well-equipped for large quantities of people. They're located right off a major highway that most of our guests were well-familiar with. They have on-site food service, lodging and they are used to hosting weddings.
I called them up and asked if our date was available.
It was!
The price also ended up being right within our budget.
We had a new wedding venue!
Resolution:
Though a little slow to start, Howe was wonderful to work with.
Not only were they happy to work with us, they seemed eager to. I think having an unusual wedding ceremony in a "safe" place like Howe Caverns helped put our guests at ease as well. Many of the local folks had been to Howe in their childhood and had fond memories of the place.
Having it at the Ashram would have been an added level of "unknown" that likely would have made people uncomfortable and less able to have fun.
Our wedding was lovely, the food at the reception was great and everyone had a good time.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Thursday, March 12, 2015
By the Scruff of the Neck (Part 2)
This post is a continuation of a series started last week about how I've applied three simple principles to help deal with stressful situations that have cropped up throughout the years.
I feel these principles can be used no matter what life throws at you.
1) Don't play the victim
2) Keep calm and vigilant
3) Do what you can and then let go
Event: Quitting job a month after buying a house
Age at the time: 29
A year after graduating college I got a job with Lockheed Martin working in a graphics groups that made training material for the Navy. Though the environment wasn't what I'd call ideal (more on that later) I loved the work and the pay was great.
About six years into this gig I decided maybe it was time to start house-hunting. In November of 2008 I finally closed on my first house. A month later I unexpectedly quit my job with Lockheed.
I suppose my leaving wasn't terribly unexpected, just untimely. True, the work site with its chain link fences topped with razor wire patrolled by guards with guns wasn't really my bag. I also was never a huge fan of working for one of the largest defense contractors in the country (I'm just too much of a hippie I guess), but I could have lived with that. Being a subcontractor was endlessly frustrating, as was the semi-annual corporate training to remind all employees not to sell secrets to foreign governments or sexually harass co-workers. All this was wearing but tolerable.
The straw that broke the camel's back was a new supervisor who wanted to make this little graphics group all his own. He micromanaged and made sweeping changes and decrees that seriously rubbed me the wrong way. At my December performance review he stated that my work performance was great but my attitude was bordering on insubordination.
We'd been having rows for weeks now and I was through. I told him firmly that he could have my letter of resignation on his desk the next morning.
"Why not now?" he asked.
So I typed it up right there with hot tears of rage streaming down my face.
1) Don't play the victim
It was so easy to blame the supervisor but really he was just the nudge I needed to get myself moving.
When I first took the job I had misgivings for all the reasons I stated above, but I made a promise to myself that I'd only work there for as long as it took to pay my debts off.
In the late summer/early fall of 2008 I completely debt-free.
In six and a half years I had paid off my car and my student loans. I had racked up a fair amount of credit card debt, but thanks to the gentle financial tutoring of my future husband, I'd completely paid that off as well.
I gotten braces, and paid them off and had even managed to do a fair amount of travel simply by saving money rather than putting it on credit.
I had fulfilled my promise and the universe was simply reminding me of that.
However, I now had a house to "feed and care for".
2) Keep calm and vigilant
Though there was a certain amount of worry over being an unemployed new home-owner, nothing about searching for or buying a house had sent up caution flags for me. Neither did leaving my really well-paying job. I took this all to mean that it was simply meant to be and all I had to do was watch it all unfold - while doing my part of course.
I needed a new job and I needed it fast!
3) Do what you can and then let go
I hadn't job-hunted in seven years and even then it was under unusual circumstances, so I had only the vaguest understanding as to how to go about it. I did what any person with a 20th century mindset would do: I hit the phone book.
Two or three days a week I'd get up at eight or nine in the morning, eat breakfast and then sit in front of my computer with an open phone book. Each day had a theme: one day would be calling advertising firms, another would be TV stations (for their graphics or video editing department). One day would be caregiver and unskilled hospital jobs, another day would be temp agencies. I'm trainable in just about any field of work and can squeeze enjoyment out of nearly any task, so picking themes wasn't overly difficult. I of course would prefer something just challenging enough to be fun, preferably somewhere near my field of training, but I'm never picky when it comes to work.
I'd go through a list in the phone book and if a company looked promising (was in driving distance for instance), I'd look up their website. If it tickled my fancy further I'd give them a call to see if they were looking for people. I'd make these cold calls until about noon when I'd break for lunch.
Sometimes I'd hit the phones again until two or three, but usually that about all the energy I had for cold-calling. I honestly knew no other way to look for work - it never occurred to me to use job-search websites.
Resolution:
I was unemployed for only six weeks (but it felt a fair bit longer!)
On a whim I called a sign company one day and scored an interview which led to a job.
It was a major pay-cut but I needed the work. It was a small sibling-run business and was just what I needed at that point in my life. Though I was only with them for three and a half years, my time there opened the doors to many other opportunities one wouldn't have expected.
I'm endlessly grateful for my time there and with Lockheed. They both served their purposes and they served them well. I learned a lot and am still living in that house I bought.
Post Script: that supervisor who'd given me so much trouble left that division of Lockheed a month after I left the company.
I feel these principles can be used no matter what life throws at you.
1) Don't play the victim
2) Keep calm and vigilant
3) Do what you can and then let go
Event: Quitting job a month after buying a house
Age at the time: 29
A year after graduating college I got a job with Lockheed Martin working in a graphics groups that made training material for the Navy. Though the environment wasn't what I'd call ideal (more on that later) I loved the work and the pay was great.
About six years into this gig I decided maybe it was time to start house-hunting. In November of 2008 I finally closed on my first house. A month later I unexpectedly quit my job with Lockheed.
I suppose my leaving wasn't terribly unexpected, just untimely. True, the work site with its chain link fences topped with razor wire patrolled by guards with guns wasn't really my bag. I also was never a huge fan of working for one of the largest defense contractors in the country (I'm just too much of a hippie I guess), but I could have lived with that. Being a subcontractor was endlessly frustrating, as was the semi-annual corporate training to remind all employees not to sell secrets to foreign governments or sexually harass co-workers. All this was wearing but tolerable.
The straw that broke the camel's back was a new supervisor who wanted to make this little graphics group all his own. He micromanaged and made sweeping changes and decrees that seriously rubbed me the wrong way. At my December performance review he stated that my work performance was great but my attitude was bordering on insubordination.
We'd been having rows for weeks now and I was through. I told him firmly that he could have my letter of resignation on his desk the next morning.
"Why not now?" he asked.
So I typed it up right there with hot tears of rage streaming down my face.
1) Don't play the victim
It was so easy to blame the supervisor but really he was just the nudge I needed to get myself moving.
When I first took the job I had misgivings for all the reasons I stated above, but I made a promise to myself that I'd only work there for as long as it took to pay my debts off.
In the late summer/early fall of 2008 I completely debt-free.
In six and a half years I had paid off my car and my student loans. I had racked up a fair amount of credit card debt, but thanks to the gentle financial tutoring of my future husband, I'd completely paid that off as well.
I gotten braces, and paid them off and had even managed to do a fair amount of travel simply by saving money rather than putting it on credit.
I had fulfilled my promise and the universe was simply reminding me of that.
However, I now had a house to "feed and care for".
2) Keep calm and vigilant
Though there was a certain amount of worry over being an unemployed new home-owner, nothing about searching for or buying a house had sent up caution flags for me. Neither did leaving my really well-paying job. I took this all to mean that it was simply meant to be and all I had to do was watch it all unfold - while doing my part of course.
I needed a new job and I needed it fast!
3) Do what you can and then let go
I hadn't job-hunted in seven years and even then it was under unusual circumstances, so I had only the vaguest understanding as to how to go about it. I did what any person with a 20th century mindset would do: I hit the phone book.
Two or three days a week I'd get up at eight or nine in the morning, eat breakfast and then sit in front of my computer with an open phone book. Each day had a theme: one day would be calling advertising firms, another would be TV stations (for their graphics or video editing department). One day would be caregiver and unskilled hospital jobs, another day would be temp agencies. I'm trainable in just about any field of work and can squeeze enjoyment out of nearly any task, so picking themes wasn't overly difficult. I of course would prefer something just challenging enough to be fun, preferably somewhere near my field of training, but I'm never picky when it comes to work.
I'd go through a list in the phone book and if a company looked promising (was in driving distance for instance), I'd look up their website. If it tickled my fancy further I'd give them a call to see if they were looking for people. I'd make these cold calls until about noon when I'd break for lunch.
Sometimes I'd hit the phones again until two or three, but usually that about all the energy I had for cold-calling. I honestly knew no other way to look for work - it never occurred to me to use job-search websites.
Resolution:
I was unemployed for only six weeks (but it felt a fair bit longer!)
On a whim I called a sign company one day and scored an interview which led to a job.
It was a major pay-cut but I needed the work. It was a small sibling-run business and was just what I needed at that point in my life. Though I was only with them for three and a half years, my time there opened the doors to many other opportunities one wouldn't have expected.
I'm endlessly grateful for my time there and with Lockheed. They both served their purposes and they served them well. I learned a lot and am still living in that house I bought.
Post Script: that supervisor who'd given me so much trouble left that division of Lockheed a month after I left the company.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
By the Scruff of the Neck (Part 1)
A long time ago I once mused sadly in conversation that the universe had never picked me up by the scruff of the neck and given me a good shake. What I meant was I felt that nothing terribly bad had ever happened to me to test my mettle and ability to cope with unusually stressful situations.
"What are you talking about?" my future husband (Rick) asked surprised. "What about the time you were almost homeless?"
Really? That silly little "incident"?
He pointed out that because of how I had handled that situation I never perceived it as something terrible. Instead it was a rather empowering and door- and eye-opening experience. Not one that I'd wish on others of course, but one of those character-building events that can change the course of one's life.
There's been other "scruff of the neck" instances in my life that I would like to share with you throughout this month. My purpose in recounting these tales is not to brag about how "awesomely I overcame adversity", but rather how I applied three very simple principles that turned potentially catastrophic situations into positive opportunities for growth.
These principles are:
1) Don't play the victim
2) Keep calm and vigilant
3) Do what you can and then let go
With those three ideas in mind, here's the first "Scruff of the Neck" occasion:
Event: Almost Homeless in Pittsburgh
Age at the time: 19
I'd been going to college at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh for a year by this point and enjoying every minute of it. I was living in the school-sponsored housing on the North Side and walked to and from the city every day for school and my part-time job. My financial aid only covered the first year of housing and I couldn't afford to stay for the second year (I was in a two-year program).
No worries. I had managed to hook up with a group of 1st quarter students who were going to rent a house. I put in my share of the security deposit and had even gone to look at the house. Everything was looking good.
Right before the quarter ended however the students disappeared. No one returned messages and I never saw the security deposit again. The school was no help and my parents, though certainly not indifferent, couldn't do anything being hundreds of miles away. When the quarter started back up in two weeks I would officially have no place to live.
1) Don't play the victim
I certainly could have wailed and moaned, "Oh woe is me! I've been robbed and have no place to go!" But I didn't. Was I annoyed? Yes. Frustrated? Sure. Victimized. No.
2) Keep calm and vigilant
Instead I approached the whole thing with a calm detachment.
In my naive little mind I had no viable reason to be in college in the first place. I was miraculously doing this all on my own with scholarships, grants, loans and the tax money Mom and Dad were getting back for me attending school: my parents couldn't afford to help me out any other way financially. We were poor.
The last person in my immediate family to go to college was a great-grandmother who had passed away a few years before. And yet here I was.
The way I saw it I was going to school purely on God's grace and there was no freaking way I'd have to drop out because of something silly like not having a place to live.
I had complete faith that if I didn't spaz out then something would turn up.
That didn't mean I could just sit back and wait for all the cogs to align for me; I knew I had to do my share of the leg work. I'd have to keep my eyes open and do what I could to find a place to live.
3) Do what you can and then let go
My roommate at the school-sponsored housing offered to let me "hide" at the apartment until I found a place. Touching, but the place would get cramped pretty quick with a new roomie arriving with all her things as well.
This may sound appalling (and maybe a bit terrifying), but I was honestly eying a hole under the 7th Street Bridge. It was well above the river, looked easy enough to get into and was sheltered from the weather. I was even making mental plans on how I'd keep my clothes clean (in large garbage bags that I'd be able to snag from work), and how I'd keep myself clean (spit baths in the bathrooms at school and the occasional shower at my old place).
I found this whole plan oddly exciting and would have had no qualms with following it through. Of course it never once occurred to me at the time that someone may actually already be living in that hole or how I'd keep my stuff secure during the day while I was at work and school (the blinders of youth are a blessing sometimes).
Resolution: I had been getting rides back to my parents' house in between quarters with Rick, who was also attending AIP (this is how we'd met initially as our parents lived near each other). He knew of my situation and said he had a friend whose parents would likely let me stay with them until I found a place more permanent.
Sounded much better than the bridge actually.
So when it was time to return to school Rick drove me out to their place and I met the family. They'd just had a bad experience with a roommate and weren't eager for a new one, but I was so wide-eyed, meek and courteous that they decided to let me stay for a month or two.
That "month or two" stretch out to the remainder of my time in college.
They even moved into a bigger place to accommodate me.
I helped with the dishes, cleaning and walking the dogs in lieu of paying rent. I served as a crying shoulder and a friend.
No, it wasn't always happy rainbows and sparklie unicorns, but it was a safe place to live while finishing off my degree. And an experience I would never have had otherwise.
Call it "luck", call it "grace", I call it being willing and open to see opportunities.
Stay tuned for another fun story next week.
"What are you talking about?" my future husband (Rick) asked surprised. "What about the time you were almost homeless?"
Really? That silly little "incident"?
He pointed out that because of how I had handled that situation I never perceived it as something terrible. Instead it was a rather empowering and door- and eye-opening experience. Not one that I'd wish on others of course, but one of those character-building events that can change the course of one's life.
There's been other "scruff of the neck" instances in my life that I would like to share with you throughout this month. My purpose in recounting these tales is not to brag about how "awesomely I overcame adversity", but rather how I applied three very simple principles that turned potentially catastrophic situations into positive opportunities for growth.
These principles are:
1) Don't play the victim
2) Keep calm and vigilant
3) Do what you can and then let go
With those three ideas in mind, here's the first "Scruff of the Neck" occasion:
Event: Almost Homeless in Pittsburgh
Age at the time: 19
I'd been going to college at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh for a year by this point and enjoying every minute of it. I was living in the school-sponsored housing on the North Side and walked to and from the city every day for school and my part-time job. My financial aid only covered the first year of housing and I couldn't afford to stay for the second year (I was in a two-year program).
No worries. I had managed to hook up with a group of 1st quarter students who were going to rent a house. I put in my share of the security deposit and had even gone to look at the house. Everything was looking good.
Right before the quarter ended however the students disappeared. No one returned messages and I never saw the security deposit again. The school was no help and my parents, though certainly not indifferent, couldn't do anything being hundreds of miles away. When the quarter started back up in two weeks I would officially have no place to live.
1) Don't play the victim
I certainly could have wailed and moaned, "Oh woe is me! I've been robbed and have no place to go!" But I didn't. Was I annoyed? Yes. Frustrated? Sure. Victimized. No.
2) Keep calm and vigilant
Instead I approached the whole thing with a calm detachment.
In my naive little mind I had no viable reason to be in college in the first place. I was miraculously doing this all on my own with scholarships, grants, loans and the tax money Mom and Dad were getting back for me attending school: my parents couldn't afford to help me out any other way financially. We were poor.
The last person in my immediate family to go to college was a great-grandmother who had passed away a few years before. And yet here I was.
The way I saw it I was going to school purely on God's grace and there was no freaking way I'd have to drop out because of something silly like not having a place to live.
I had complete faith that if I didn't spaz out then something would turn up.
That didn't mean I could just sit back and wait for all the cogs to align for me; I knew I had to do my share of the leg work. I'd have to keep my eyes open and do what I could to find a place to live.
3) Do what you can and then let go
My roommate at the school-sponsored housing offered to let me "hide" at the apartment until I found a place. Touching, but the place would get cramped pretty quick with a new roomie arriving with all her things as well.
This may sound appalling (and maybe a bit terrifying), but I was honestly eying a hole under the 7th Street Bridge. It was well above the river, looked easy enough to get into and was sheltered from the weather. I was even making mental plans on how I'd keep my clothes clean (in large garbage bags that I'd be able to snag from work), and how I'd keep myself clean (spit baths in the bathrooms at school and the occasional shower at my old place).
I found this whole plan oddly exciting and would have had no qualms with following it through. Of course it never once occurred to me at the time that someone may actually already be living in that hole or how I'd keep my stuff secure during the day while I was at work and school (the blinders of youth are a blessing sometimes).
Resolution: I had been getting rides back to my parents' house in between quarters with Rick, who was also attending AIP (this is how we'd met initially as our parents lived near each other). He knew of my situation and said he had a friend whose parents would likely let me stay with them until I found a place more permanent.
Sounded much better than the bridge actually.
So when it was time to return to school Rick drove me out to their place and I met the family. They'd just had a bad experience with a roommate and weren't eager for a new one, but I was so wide-eyed, meek and courteous that they decided to let me stay for a month or two.
That "month or two" stretch out to the remainder of my time in college.
They even moved into a bigger place to accommodate me.
I helped with the dishes, cleaning and walking the dogs in lieu of paying rent. I served as a crying shoulder and a friend.
No, it wasn't always happy rainbows and sparklie unicorns, but it was a safe place to live while finishing off my degree. And an experience I would never have had otherwise.
Call it "luck", call it "grace", I call it being willing and open to see opportunities.
Stay tuned for another fun story next week.
Monday, February 2, 2015
A Girl's Guide to Winter Driving
So we got a major snowfall here in upstate NY today (hey, it's winter; that sort of thing happens around here), and people freaked out and were all over the place in ditches, or they called in to work saying they couldn't make it out of their driveway. Okay I will admit the roads were bad, but not that bad.
I drove to work and back today without incident. It took 40 minutes as opposed to the typical 25 (it's about 19 miles from home to work). My commute takes me over a series of back roads, main roads as well as urban side streets. There's various intersections with stop signs, traffic lights or none of the above. My drive takes me through three counties, all of which have various priorities on how they maintain their roads. And I did just fine.
Before you think to yourself, "Oh, well she's got to have a four-wheel drive vehicle!" let me just shut that down right now. I drive a 2000 Toyota Corolla. It's front-wheel drive with automatic transmission, a four-cylinder engine and no anti-lock breaks. I've been driving it for thirteen years.
Now it is true I wasn't always a great winter driver, in fact I had quite the track record of sending the car into a 180 degree spin at least once a year (thank heavens no one was ever hurt in any of those incidences including the car!). A couple years ago though I decided to put a stop to that dangerous "habit" on the assumption that my luck would run out some day and something very bad would happen eventually. Since then I've (if I do say so myself) become quite a good driver on bad roads and I'd like to share with you my simple and easy-to-implement tips for how to drive in the winter.
1) Take it slow
I really wish I didn't have to include this, but I apparently have to. I've heard too many stories of people who wound up in the ditch and when recounting their story later it was obvious they were going way too fast for the conditions. Look people the speed limit on any given road is only applicable under optimal driving condistions. Snow falling from the sky at an inch per hour does not constitute "optimal driving conditions" under any stretch of the imagination.
Do not drive at the speed you want to, expect to, or usually do. Drive only as fast as you can safely stop quickly if you needed to, or to regain control of the vehicle if you start to slide (more on that in the next point).
But on the other side, don't drive ten miles an hour either when your car is perfectly capable of going 30. You'll piss off the other drivers stacking up behind you and risk being the focal point of an accident when they irately try passing you. I understand pulling onto the shoulder to let people by can be impractical when the roads are bad, but you've got to make a fair compromise here for the safety and sanity of your fellow travelers.
2) Expect to slide around
When I first moved out to the country I was paranoid about hitting a deer. To me it simply seemed inevitable: there are deer out in the woods, one will get hit some day.
I knew I had to change my mindset otherwise I would be guaranteeing that I'd whack a wandering ruminant some day (you know, the whole "what you resist persists" mentality); so I had to change my thinking to avoid this outcome.
What I changed it to was "It's guaranteed I'll see deer. I certainly don't need to ever have to hit one though". And it works. Now whenever I see white-tails grazing alongside the road I'm not terrified that one will inevitably leap out in front of me. I slow down and gauge whether they're interested in seeing what the chicken thought was so great about the other side of the road.
The same holds true for slipping and sliding on slick roads. Separate the notion that a slide will equal a crash. It doesn't have to. The car will slide. That's okay. Don't freak out. If you're going slow enough (see above), all you should have to do is take your foot off the gas and let the tires find traction again. You might have to down-shift (see next point), but you won't freak out because you know you don't have to soar into a tailspin or wind up in the ditch.
3) Learn how to down-shift
Most cars are automatic these days and the average person doesn't even know how to drive a standard transmission vehicle. Those who do still drive standards though swear by them because they do better in the snow.
Why? you might ask.
Because people who drive standard know how to use their gear shifter to maximize traction and you can too! (Yes, even with an automatic).
Most people put their car in Drive or O/D (Overdrive; can also be denoted by a "D" with a circle around it) and never touch the gear shifter again until they reach their destination or need to parallel park; but there's a whole bunch of other gears available on the automation transmission gear shifter that you're missing out on!
There's the option to get out of Overdrive for instance; on my car it's a button on the side of the gear shifter, but on others it's a separate gear. This is a slightly lower gear than what you want for cruising speed as it's not as fuel efficient, but it gives you better traction.
The "2" and "1" are the equivalent to the standard gears. 1st gear is for starting from a dead stop. You've got a lot of torque in this gear, but you can only go about 10 to maybe 15 miles an hour before the engines winds up too high (you'll hear it, believe me). 2nd though is a great gear if you can't go faster than 30 miles an hour. This is also an excellent gear to drop down to if you're starting to slide to help the tires grip the road again. Don't stay in 2nd gear though if you can go much faster than 30 as (again) you'll hear the engine wind up and it's not good for either the engine or your fuel economy.
The general rule of thumb I follow:
If I can't drive faster than 45 miles per hour - take off the Overdrive
30 mph or less = use 2nd gear
I rarely use 1st, mostly because my car doesn't drop into it easily anymore, but it's good if you just need a good hard push from the engine to get going from a stop.
4) Get the freaking snow tires
I used to only drive on all-seasons all year round, feeling it was stupid to spend the money on two whole sets of tires that you have to change out every six months.
I can now attest though that the cost of switching them out (and potentially storing them) is well worth the cost.
You can go studded if you like, but I personally don't; feeling that traction is lost on dry roads. To each their own though, go with what makes you more comfortable.
Snow tires don't make you invincible though; you still need to adher to safe and sane driving practices. What they do give you though is much better traction in snowy/slushy conditions (and yes, studs will help you on ice). Climbing hills when the roads are greasy is significantly easier with snow tires as well.
If you can afford a whole second set of rims (called "wheels" these days I guess), all the better. Changing out your warm-weather tires with your snows as the seasons change though does not damage the rims, so don't worry about that (if you were).
So there's my advice for winter driving and it works very well for me.
How about you?
Any tips/tricks you've picked up through the years that's improved your winter driving? Share your thoughts.
I drove to work and back today without incident. It took 40 minutes as opposed to the typical 25 (it's about 19 miles from home to work). My commute takes me over a series of back roads, main roads as well as urban side streets. There's various intersections with stop signs, traffic lights or none of the above. My drive takes me through three counties, all of which have various priorities on how they maintain their roads. And I did just fine.
Before you think to yourself, "Oh, well she's got to have a four-wheel drive vehicle!" let me just shut that down right now. I drive a 2000 Toyota Corolla. It's front-wheel drive with automatic transmission, a four-cylinder engine and no anti-lock breaks. I've been driving it for thirteen years.
Now it is true I wasn't always a great winter driver, in fact I had quite the track record of sending the car into a 180 degree spin at least once a year (thank heavens no one was ever hurt in any of those incidences including the car!). A couple years ago though I decided to put a stop to that dangerous "habit" on the assumption that my luck would run out some day and something very bad would happen eventually. Since then I've (if I do say so myself) become quite a good driver on bad roads and I'd like to share with you my simple and easy-to-implement tips for how to drive in the winter.
1) Take it slow
I really wish I didn't have to include this, but I apparently have to. I've heard too many stories of people who wound up in the ditch and when recounting their story later it was obvious they were going way too fast for the conditions. Look people the speed limit on any given road is only applicable under optimal driving condistions. Snow falling from the sky at an inch per hour does not constitute "optimal driving conditions" under any stretch of the imagination.
Do not drive at the speed you want to, expect to, or usually do. Drive only as fast as you can safely stop quickly if you needed to, or to regain control of the vehicle if you start to slide (more on that in the next point).
But on the other side, don't drive ten miles an hour either when your car is perfectly capable of going 30. You'll piss off the other drivers stacking up behind you and risk being the focal point of an accident when they irately try passing you. I understand pulling onto the shoulder to let people by can be impractical when the roads are bad, but you've got to make a fair compromise here for the safety and sanity of your fellow travelers.
2) Expect to slide around
When I first moved out to the country I was paranoid about hitting a deer. To me it simply seemed inevitable: there are deer out in the woods, one will get hit some day.
I knew I had to change my mindset otherwise I would be guaranteeing that I'd whack a wandering ruminant some day (you know, the whole "what you resist persists" mentality); so I had to change my thinking to avoid this outcome.
What I changed it to was "It's guaranteed I'll see deer. I certainly don't need to ever have to hit one though". And it works. Now whenever I see white-tails grazing alongside the road I'm not terrified that one will inevitably leap out in front of me. I slow down and gauge whether they're interested in seeing what the chicken thought was so great about the other side of the road.
The same holds true for slipping and sliding on slick roads. Separate the notion that a slide will equal a crash. It doesn't have to. The car will slide. That's okay. Don't freak out. If you're going slow enough (see above), all you should have to do is take your foot off the gas and let the tires find traction again. You might have to down-shift (see next point), but you won't freak out because you know you don't have to soar into a tailspin or wind up in the ditch.
3) Learn how to down-shift
Most cars are automatic these days and the average person doesn't even know how to drive a standard transmission vehicle. Those who do still drive standards though swear by them because they do better in the snow.
Why? you might ask.
Because people who drive standard know how to use their gear shifter to maximize traction and you can too! (Yes, even with an automatic).
Most people put their car in Drive or O/D (Overdrive; can also be denoted by a "D" with a circle around it) and never touch the gear shifter again until they reach their destination or need to parallel park; but there's a whole bunch of other gears available on the automation transmission gear shifter that you're missing out on!
There's the option to get out of Overdrive for instance; on my car it's a button on the side of the gear shifter, but on others it's a separate gear. This is a slightly lower gear than what you want for cruising speed as it's not as fuel efficient, but it gives you better traction.
The "2" and "1" are the equivalent to the standard gears. 1st gear is for starting from a dead stop. You've got a lot of torque in this gear, but you can only go about 10 to maybe 15 miles an hour before the engines winds up too high (you'll hear it, believe me). 2nd though is a great gear if you can't go faster than 30 miles an hour. This is also an excellent gear to drop down to if you're starting to slide to help the tires grip the road again. Don't stay in 2nd gear though if you can go much faster than 30 as (again) you'll hear the engine wind up and it's not good for either the engine or your fuel economy.
The general rule of thumb I follow:
If I can't drive faster than 45 miles per hour - take off the Overdrive
30 mph or less = use 2nd gear
I rarely use 1st, mostly because my car doesn't drop into it easily anymore, but it's good if you just need a good hard push from the engine to get going from a stop.
4) Get the freaking snow tires
I used to only drive on all-seasons all year round, feeling it was stupid to spend the money on two whole sets of tires that you have to change out every six months.
I can now attest though that the cost of switching them out (and potentially storing them) is well worth the cost.
You can go studded if you like, but I personally don't; feeling that traction is lost on dry roads. To each their own though, go with what makes you more comfortable.
Snow tires don't make you invincible though; you still need to adher to safe and sane driving practices. What they do give you though is much better traction in snowy/slushy conditions (and yes, studs will help you on ice). Climbing hills when the roads are greasy is significantly easier with snow tires as well.
If you can afford a whole second set of rims (called "wheels" these days I guess), all the better. Changing out your warm-weather tires with your snows as the seasons change though does not damage the rims, so don't worry about that (if you were).
So there's my advice for winter driving and it works very well for me.
How about you?
Any tips/tricks you've picked up through the years that's improved your winter driving? Share your thoughts.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
The Sun-Moon Dance
If I said I were going to a football game later this year (I'm not btw), a firm image would come to mind even if you've never been to a live game or even if you aren't much of a fan. There's a stadium with thousands of spectators/fans. There's two teams wearing bright colors, and referees with whistles. A brown, oblong-shaped ball will be kicked and thrown around for a couple hours. You don't really need to actively think all this, it's just part of our culture.
If I said I'd be participating in a Sun-Moon Dance later this year, with a few exceptions I'm going to bet your mind will come up with nothing. It's not part of the cultural language. Yet this will be my fourth (nonconsecutive) year participating in one and I'd like to tell you what a Sun-Moon Dance is and why it's important to me.
First off you get a cookie if the idea of a Native American Sun Dance came to mind. You're on the right track! A Sun-Moon Dance is a similar concept except there's no hooks or cutting, it's open to women, and it's open to all races. It's also not a traditional Native American ritual though it was first conceived by a modern Native American mystic named Joseph Beautiful Painted Arrow.
Feel free to check out the links throughout this post if you're interested to explore further but I did find this very lovely description of a Sun-Moon Dance and I wanted to quote the whole thing here because it does give a wonderful description of what a Sun-Moon Dance is:
"The Sun-Moon Dance was brought forth from the vision of a Native American, Joseph Rael- Beautiful Painted Arrow. Joseph is a visionary and mystic of Southern Ute and Picaris Pueblo heritage. It is important to understand that it is not a Native American Dance.
The Sun Moon dance is open to all people who seek the inspiration to live a life of greater spiritual awareness and who are willing to invest the effort. It provides the special condition necessary for a direct experience of Spirit and of spiritual realms.
The four days of the dance bring many teachings. The form of the dance itself is a metaphor for prayer. Sacred dancing teaches us about the power of putting all aspects of ourselves into our prayers – physically, mentally and emotionally. The fasting observed in the dance brings us mental clarity, appreciation for food and clean water, and teaches us how strong we really are. Movement teaches us about the importance of dancing for a vision, and then dancing the vision so that it may be embodied and realized. It also teaches us that manifesting what we truly desire requires commitment, effort and surrender.
On a personal level, Dancers experience personal breakthrough and transformation, deep insights and visions, and a spiritual acceleration that lasts throughout the year. The commitment to dance a full cycle of four dances is important as it brings about healing on mental, emotional, physical and spiritual levels. Since each of us is a microcosm of the planet, the healing we bring to ourselves also brings healing to the earth. For these reasons alone, the dance is a powerful gift that you give to yourself and to those you love.
On a planetary level, the dance works with the energy and spirits of the land. The dance arbor is the sacred Medicine Wheel, and represents the world and the life it contains and nurtures. In the dance, we work to bring in the directional energies of the east, south, west, north, up above, and down below. The web of energy created by the dancers transfers into the land, and permeates the world to bring healing. The dance and the drum release new spiritual energy from deep within the earth to be used for peace.
Those who are called to it come to make important changes in their personal lives, as well as to assist in the grand work of planetary healing and the promotion of global peace."
I Dance at The House of Mica Peace Chamber near Albany, NY. They conduct their Sun-Moon Dance in July or August of each year. You can read about the Dance on their land here.
Okay, so that's the overview, let's hit on some of the details.
Prep
I'm not exaggerating in saying the Sun-Moon Dance is an intense, life-altering experience. It's not something a person should enter into lightly. Though some people have been known to decide to participate within a day or two of the Dance, the sooner one makes the decision to participate the better. Some people need to scale back on caffeine and/or nicotine beforehand. Others need to make sure they're healthy enough for the physical aspect of it. Some people need mental prep time.
Apart from all that, Dancers are asked to make a certain number of prayer ties before the Dance. This can number in the hundreds some years. You don't have to make them if you really don't want to, but the time set aside to do them does help get one in the mindset of gratitude and connection with Spirit.
The prayer ties are hung over your sleeping area during the Dance as a constant reminder of the hopes and prayers you consciously created for the event. At the end of the Dance, the prayer ties are burned, releasing the prayers to Divinity.
Time Frame
The Dance is described as taking place over the course of four days. This is true, though I prefer to think of it as closer to two and a half days. Things get started on Friday morning. In no particular order (mostly because I don't particularly remember the exact order) there's a sweat lodge for all Dancers and Helpers. If a new tree is to be harvested that year, then that is tended to on this day. And the arbor needs to be constructed. Lastly there's a potluck feast (kind of a Last Supper if you will).
The Dance itself starts that evening around sundown.
Once the Dance starts the Dancers abstain from food, drink and speaking for the remainder of the Dance. During the Dance they stay in the arbor area (meaning they sleep there too) and leave only to greet the sun each morning and for using the composting toilets located near the arbor area. There's exceptions to which I'll get into in a bit*.
Whenever Dancers leave the arbor area they wrap themselves in a sheet or blanket to "hold in" the energy of the Dance area.
The Dance "ends" Monday morning. Usually there's the morning sun greeting and then at least one round of Dancing (but there may be more rounds depending on conditions and such). There's a water ceremony and the fast is broken with watermelon.
Then its up to the house for a feast and a debrief of everyone involved afterwards.
*Those exceptions I mentioned above are as follows: once the day of Dancing is done on both Saturday and Sunday evenings, each Dancer is given about eight ounces of body temperature-warm tea (non-caffeinated). That's all the sustenance one gets during the Dance (drink it sloooowly!)
EDIT: They actually stopped doing this in 2015.
On really hot days sprigs of mint that have been soaked in cold water are distributed as well. You're welcome to lick the water off the mint leaves and even nibble or suck on them as you like.
As for speaking: if a Dancer is having a problem, they can of course voice it to one of the Helpers; or if a Helper thinks a Dancer is in distress, they'll quietly speak with them to check in. This isn't an endurance race. If there's an issue it needs to be addressed quickly.
Once in a while the Dancers are also instructed to leave the arbor to dance around or in the Peace Chamber that's on the property. This isn't done every time though.
The Arbor
The Dance arbor is a temporary, open air, round structure built with wooden poles around the outer part of the circle. They're spaced about five to six feet apart. Longer poles lean up against them from the outside and tarps are tied across these poles to form lean-to's about seven to eight feet deep that the Dancers stay in during the Dance.
The arbor is oriented to the four cardinal points. Once it's built, the only way in or out is through an opening directly facing East. A fire is built inline with this opening that burns throughout the entire Dance.
A tree is cut down from the surrounding area and carefully prepared and "replanted" in the center of the arbor. This is the anchor point for the whole Dance.
The same tree is typically used for two years and remains in place even after the arbor has been taken down again for the year. Some Dance arbors feature a living tree in the center.
The drummers are set up in the lean-to to the immediate left of the door. A bench is placed in the space to the immediate right where Helpers sit during the Dance. Other than these spaces, Dancers can choose any other lean-to around the circle.
The lean-to's directly oriented to the South, North and West are marked with colored ribbons and choosing those spaces sometimes entails taking on added responsibilities during the Dance.
Dancers must store everything in their 7' x 6'-ish space that they'll need during the Dance for their comfort - namely a sleeping bag and pillow. Changes of clothes and additional tarps for ground cover and added weather protection are also brought. Most people hang a bug net over their sleeping bag to keep insects out. White sheets are hung up for privacy and to wrap oneself when leaving the arbor area. Some people bring rain gear. Scentless sunscreen and bug spray are also encouraged.
The Helpers
Not everyone who participates in a Sun-Moon Dance is a Dancer. There are Helpers present too who "hold the space" and keep a watchful eye on the Dancers. Helpers don't fast during the Dance, in fact they're well-fed during the event. They are also not bound to be silent, but voices are kept quiet near the arbor or Dancers. Though encouraged to sleep in tents and use the composting toilets located farther away from the arbor area to take some of the strain off the house, they don't sleep out in the open like the Dancers do.
Apart from Rick and Elisa who conduct the Dance and interact directly with the Dancers, Helpers typically stay outside the arbor area and rarely have direct contact with the Dancers. They're watchers and facilitators who make the Dance as safe and comfortable for the Dancers as possible. They make sure the outhouses are clean and fully stocked. Shielded candles are kept going inside the outhouses at night for light. They smudge the area outside the arbor multiple times a day to keep the energies clean. Anyone who enters or leaves the arbor area is smudged as well.
Night or day there's always at least one Helper near the arbor to tend the fire and in case a Dancer needs assistance.
Only when a Dancer falls (more on that later) do Helpers enter the arbor and even then it's in a very organized, calm and ritualistic manner.
Though they don't fast or Dance (per say), Helpers can often have experiences just as moving and profound as the Dancers.
The Dance
Once the arbor is constructed, the Dancers choose a space around the circle where they'll "live" during the dance. Once their space is chosen they'll spend most of their time during the Dance either sitting or resting within that space or moving between their space and the tree in the center of the arbor.
During each round of Dancing a large drum is beat and the drummers sing in the Native American style. The beat of the drum is what wakes the Dancers in the morning and calls them to Dance for each round. When the drum is going, you're Dancing; when it stops, you're done Dancing for that round.
"Dancing" entails moving from one's space to the tree and back. There's no choreography or specific way to do this. You simply walk or move however you like to the beat of the drum. Back and forth, back and forth. Everyone moves at their own pace, fast, slow, running, walking, shuffling, however you are moved to move. There's no right or wrong way so long as you don't cross another dancer's path.
While Dancing, the Dancers blow a little bone whistle that's given to them the first day of their first Dance. Unless it breaks or they lose it, this is the whistle they'll use for every Dance thereafter. Blowing the whistle makes the Dancer focus on their breath while Dancing. It's the only noise Dancers are encouraged to make during the Dance.
A round of Dancing can be anywhere from a few minutes to a half hour (perhaps longer, but I'm pretty sure not). Each round is followed by a few minutes to a few hours of rest. There can be as few as three to as many as seven or eight rounds of Dancing in a given day. This depends a lot on the weather and how hot it is. Again the safety of the Dancers is always taken into account.
During times when they're not Dancing, Dancers are encouraged to lay in their area and meditate, rest or sleep. Since there's nowhere to go and you're not eating, talking, reading (or even journaling), sleep is really the only thing to do when not Dancing.
Dancing only goes on during daylight hours. Dancers get to sleep at night.
Though Dancers tend to develop a certain rapport with each other during the Dance, they don't really directly interact with each other. Sure, you need to pay attention to your neighbors when you get near the tree since the paths get close together there; but a Dancer's existence pretty much revolves around their whistle, their sleeping space, the tree, the path between the two, the drum and themselves.
Dancers are not obligated to Dance every round, though one does have to Dance at least one round each day. If you're tired or weak or too hot or want to meditate or sleep or just chill, you can stay in your area during Dancing.
Dress Code
"Modest" clothing is the order of the day. This means shoulders and chests must be covered (no tank tops, sports bras or shirtless men). Legs must be covered to at least the knee. I think even midriffs must be covered, but I'm not 100% certain on that one.
Skirts must be worn - even by the guys. The symbolism here is the round skirt hem is synonymous with the round Earth. It's open for energies to "rise up" through the feet. I'm assuming since the skirt is also associated with the more "passive" sex, it puts in place the psychological mindset to be open and receptive to the powerful energies of the Universe. You're welcome to draw whatever analogies you like.
Fortunately you're not forbidden to wear anything under the skirt.
Guys typically wear shorts with a sarong tied around their waist. It works just as well. Some ladies do this too.
Other than those few points, anything goes. Colors, materials, layers and styles are at the Dancer's discretion. One is encouraged to dress for the weather: hot days, cool nights, possible rain, possible intense sun.
You can be barefoot or wear shoes/sandals as you like.
Jewelry is fine.
Hats and other head-coverings are fine. Since there's no bathing during the Dance, most people cover their hair by the end.
Falling
The Dance can dredge up a lot of emotional baggage for people. Sometimes people crumple under the weight of what bubbles up. Some people deliberately charge at the tree multiple times until they bounce off and land flat on their back. Other people slip into a state where Vision happens and drift to the ground. Whatever the reason, if a Dancer falls down or collapses during a round of Dancing the drummers immediately quiet the beat without stopping the rhythm. This is an indication to the Dancers (who may not have noticed the fall yet) to stop where they are in their circuit. Usually they'll continue blowing their whistles, just quietly.
The Helpers, led by one of the facilitators will enter the arbor with a large sheet.
The facilitator will assess what state the fallen Dancer is in and this will determine how long they'll lay where they fell. Unless the facilitator needs to intervene for the health or safety of the Dancer, the fallen Dancer is touched as little as possible.
Once it's determined it's okay to move them, the Dancer is gently rolled onto the sheet and carried by the Helpers to their sleeping area. Once they're lifted off the ground, all the other Dancers blow their whistles loudly to show their support for the fallen Dancer. Depending on the reason for their fall someone may sit with them for a while.
Usually Dancing resumes once the Helpers have again left the arbor.
The fallen Dancer will always at least sit out the rest of that round of Dancing.
Four Days, Four Years
Four tends to pop up frequently in Native American ritual. Apart from the four days of the Dance, Dancers are also asked to commit to participating for four years. There's different reasons for this and different people will give you different answers.
A short, sweet and easy answer is partly because the Dance is such an alien concept within our Western culture, the four year commitment gives the Dancer the opportunity to have a full and well-rounded experience.
The first year can be a bit overwhelming since the new Dancer may not really know what's going on or what to expect.
Year two offers the Dancer a little less sensory overload so they can deepen into their Dance with less worry and more understanding.
By year three one has a much better idea of what to expect and you can "let go and let God" much easier.
Year four is a culmination of what one has learned throughout the previous Dances and the door is opened for gratitude and an ever deepening connection to Spirit/God/Divinity.
So why do all this?
People Dance for many reasons and I won't try to speculate much on them.
My own reasons are rather nebulous even to myself but it's something I'm always honored to do.
I Dance as a willing sacrifice for the greater whole.
I Dance to open myself more to Divinity.
I Dance to find my own strength.
Relatively speaking we live in a very safe world full of guardrails and safety labels. I think to a certain degree this sheltered, pillowed existence numbs the spirit. The "adrenaline junkie" tries to break out of that cushioned bubble by doing things that are daring and dangerous. Nothing makes one feel more alive than coming face to face with how tenuous life can be.
I kind of see the Sun-Moon Dance as something like that, just with more meaning placed upon it. Like what was stated before though, it'd not an endurance race. You don't do it to see how hard you can push your body. You do it to see how much you can live.
It is inherently dangerous though. Dancers are watched very carefully and will get pulled from the Dance if they're in genuine distress. Fasting isn't fun, especially in our well-fed society. You do get hungry. You do get thirsty. Some people even experience physical pain from fasting.
But you survive.
My body doesn't do well when overtaxed and every time I choose to Dance (this year will in theory be the last), I need to take a hard and honest look at where I'm at to see if my body can handle it that year. I don't Dance on years where I have something big planned near the Dance. It needs all your focus and attention and it takes a lot out of you.
It gives you a lot back though. The inner strength one gains from completing a Dance is pretty hard to beat. It can completely dissolve one's fear of death and also one's fear of life.
It's difficult and terrifying but it's also life-affirming and amazing.
If I said I'd be participating in a Sun-Moon Dance later this year, with a few exceptions I'm going to bet your mind will come up with nothing. It's not part of the cultural language. Yet this will be my fourth (nonconsecutive) year participating in one and I'd like to tell you what a Sun-Moon Dance is and why it's important to me.
First off you get a cookie if the idea of a Native American Sun Dance came to mind. You're on the right track! A Sun-Moon Dance is a similar concept except there's no hooks or cutting, it's open to women, and it's open to all races. It's also not a traditional Native American ritual though it was first conceived by a modern Native American mystic named Joseph Beautiful Painted Arrow.
Feel free to check out the links throughout this post if you're interested to explore further but I did find this very lovely description of a Sun-Moon Dance and I wanted to quote the whole thing here because it does give a wonderful description of what a Sun-Moon Dance is:
"The Sun-Moon Dance was brought forth from the vision of a Native American, Joseph Rael- Beautiful Painted Arrow. Joseph is a visionary and mystic of Southern Ute and Picaris Pueblo heritage. It is important to understand that it is not a Native American Dance.
The Sun Moon dance is open to all people who seek the inspiration to live a life of greater spiritual awareness and who are willing to invest the effort. It provides the special condition necessary for a direct experience of Spirit and of spiritual realms.
The four days of the dance bring many teachings. The form of the dance itself is a metaphor for prayer. Sacred dancing teaches us about the power of putting all aspects of ourselves into our prayers – physically, mentally and emotionally. The fasting observed in the dance brings us mental clarity, appreciation for food and clean water, and teaches us how strong we really are. Movement teaches us about the importance of dancing for a vision, and then dancing the vision so that it may be embodied and realized. It also teaches us that manifesting what we truly desire requires commitment, effort and surrender.
On a personal level, Dancers experience personal breakthrough and transformation, deep insights and visions, and a spiritual acceleration that lasts throughout the year. The commitment to dance a full cycle of four dances is important as it brings about healing on mental, emotional, physical and spiritual levels. Since each of us is a microcosm of the planet, the healing we bring to ourselves also brings healing to the earth. For these reasons alone, the dance is a powerful gift that you give to yourself and to those you love.
On a planetary level, the dance works with the energy and spirits of the land. The dance arbor is the sacred Medicine Wheel, and represents the world and the life it contains and nurtures. In the dance, we work to bring in the directional energies of the east, south, west, north, up above, and down below. The web of energy created by the dancers transfers into the land, and permeates the world to bring healing. The dance and the drum release new spiritual energy from deep within the earth to be used for peace.
Those who are called to it come to make important changes in their personal lives, as well as to assist in the grand work of planetary healing and the promotion of global peace."
I Dance at The House of Mica Peace Chamber near Albany, NY. They conduct their Sun-Moon Dance in July or August of each year. You can read about the Dance on their land here.
Okay, so that's the overview, let's hit on some of the details.
Prep
I'm not exaggerating in saying the Sun-Moon Dance is an intense, life-altering experience. It's not something a person should enter into lightly. Though some people have been known to decide to participate within a day or two of the Dance, the sooner one makes the decision to participate the better. Some people need to scale back on caffeine and/or nicotine beforehand. Others need to make sure they're healthy enough for the physical aspect of it. Some people need mental prep time.
Apart from all that, Dancers are asked to make a certain number of prayer ties before the Dance. This can number in the hundreds some years. You don't have to make them if you really don't want to, but the time set aside to do them does help get one in the mindset of gratitude and connection with Spirit.
The prayer ties are hung over your sleeping area during the Dance as a constant reminder of the hopes and prayers you consciously created for the event. At the end of the Dance, the prayer ties are burned, releasing the prayers to Divinity.
Time Frame
The Dance is described as taking place over the course of four days. This is true, though I prefer to think of it as closer to two and a half days. Things get started on Friday morning. In no particular order (mostly because I don't particularly remember the exact order) there's a sweat lodge for all Dancers and Helpers. If a new tree is to be harvested that year, then that is tended to on this day. And the arbor needs to be constructed. Lastly there's a potluck feast (kind of a Last Supper if you will).
The Dance itself starts that evening around sundown.
Once the Dance starts the Dancers abstain from food, drink and speaking for the remainder of the Dance. During the Dance they stay in the arbor area (meaning they sleep there too) and leave only to greet the sun each morning and for using the composting toilets located near the arbor area. There's exceptions to which I'll get into in a bit*.
Whenever Dancers leave the arbor area they wrap themselves in a sheet or blanket to "hold in" the energy of the Dance area.
The Dance "ends" Monday morning. Usually there's the morning sun greeting and then at least one round of Dancing (but there may be more rounds depending on conditions and such). There's a water ceremony and the fast is broken with watermelon.
Then its up to the house for a feast and a debrief of everyone involved afterwards.
*Those exceptions I mentioned above are as follows: once the day of Dancing is done on both Saturday and Sunday evenings, each Dancer is given about eight ounces of body temperature-warm tea (non-caffeinated). That's all the sustenance one gets during the Dance (drink it sloooowly!)
EDIT: They actually stopped doing this in 2015.
On really hot days sprigs of mint that have been soaked in cold water are distributed as well. You're welcome to lick the water off the mint leaves and even nibble or suck on them as you like.
As for speaking: if a Dancer is having a problem, they can of course voice it to one of the Helpers; or if a Helper thinks a Dancer is in distress, they'll quietly speak with them to check in. This isn't an endurance race. If there's an issue it needs to be addressed quickly.
Once in a while the Dancers are also instructed to leave the arbor to dance around or in the Peace Chamber that's on the property. This isn't done every time though.
The Arbor
The Dance arbor is a temporary, open air, round structure built with wooden poles around the outer part of the circle. They're spaced about five to six feet apart. Longer poles lean up against them from the outside and tarps are tied across these poles to form lean-to's about seven to eight feet deep that the Dancers stay in during the Dance.
The arbor is oriented to the four cardinal points. Once it's built, the only way in or out is through an opening directly facing East. A fire is built inline with this opening that burns throughout the entire Dance.
A tree is cut down from the surrounding area and carefully prepared and "replanted" in the center of the arbor. This is the anchor point for the whole Dance.
The same tree is typically used for two years and remains in place even after the arbor has been taken down again for the year. Some Dance arbors feature a living tree in the center.
The drummers are set up in the lean-to to the immediate left of the door. A bench is placed in the space to the immediate right where Helpers sit during the Dance. Other than these spaces, Dancers can choose any other lean-to around the circle.
The lean-to's directly oriented to the South, North and West are marked with colored ribbons and choosing those spaces sometimes entails taking on added responsibilities during the Dance.
Dancers must store everything in their 7' x 6'-ish space that they'll need during the Dance for their comfort - namely a sleeping bag and pillow. Changes of clothes and additional tarps for ground cover and added weather protection are also brought. Most people hang a bug net over their sleeping bag to keep insects out. White sheets are hung up for privacy and to wrap oneself when leaving the arbor area. Some people bring rain gear. Scentless sunscreen and bug spray are also encouraged.
The Helpers
Not everyone who participates in a Sun-Moon Dance is a Dancer. There are Helpers present too who "hold the space" and keep a watchful eye on the Dancers. Helpers don't fast during the Dance, in fact they're well-fed during the event. They are also not bound to be silent, but voices are kept quiet near the arbor or Dancers. Though encouraged to sleep in tents and use the composting toilets located farther away from the arbor area to take some of the strain off the house, they don't sleep out in the open like the Dancers do.
Apart from Rick and Elisa who conduct the Dance and interact directly with the Dancers, Helpers typically stay outside the arbor area and rarely have direct contact with the Dancers. They're watchers and facilitators who make the Dance as safe and comfortable for the Dancers as possible. They make sure the outhouses are clean and fully stocked. Shielded candles are kept going inside the outhouses at night for light. They smudge the area outside the arbor multiple times a day to keep the energies clean. Anyone who enters or leaves the arbor area is smudged as well.
Night or day there's always at least one Helper near the arbor to tend the fire and in case a Dancer needs assistance.
Only when a Dancer falls (more on that later) do Helpers enter the arbor and even then it's in a very organized, calm and ritualistic manner.
Though they don't fast or Dance (per say), Helpers can often have experiences just as moving and profound as the Dancers.
The Dance
Once the arbor is constructed, the Dancers choose a space around the circle where they'll "live" during the dance. Once their space is chosen they'll spend most of their time during the Dance either sitting or resting within that space or moving between their space and the tree in the center of the arbor.
During each round of Dancing a large drum is beat and the drummers sing in the Native American style. The beat of the drum is what wakes the Dancers in the morning and calls them to Dance for each round. When the drum is going, you're Dancing; when it stops, you're done Dancing for that round.
"Dancing" entails moving from one's space to the tree and back. There's no choreography or specific way to do this. You simply walk or move however you like to the beat of the drum. Back and forth, back and forth. Everyone moves at their own pace, fast, slow, running, walking, shuffling, however you are moved to move. There's no right or wrong way so long as you don't cross another dancer's path.
While Dancing, the Dancers blow a little bone whistle that's given to them the first day of their first Dance. Unless it breaks or they lose it, this is the whistle they'll use for every Dance thereafter. Blowing the whistle makes the Dancer focus on their breath while Dancing. It's the only noise Dancers are encouraged to make during the Dance.
A round of Dancing can be anywhere from a few minutes to a half hour (perhaps longer, but I'm pretty sure not). Each round is followed by a few minutes to a few hours of rest. There can be as few as three to as many as seven or eight rounds of Dancing in a given day. This depends a lot on the weather and how hot it is. Again the safety of the Dancers is always taken into account.
During times when they're not Dancing, Dancers are encouraged to lay in their area and meditate, rest or sleep. Since there's nowhere to go and you're not eating, talking, reading (or even journaling), sleep is really the only thing to do when not Dancing.
Dancing only goes on during daylight hours. Dancers get to sleep at night.
Though Dancers tend to develop a certain rapport with each other during the Dance, they don't really directly interact with each other. Sure, you need to pay attention to your neighbors when you get near the tree since the paths get close together there; but a Dancer's existence pretty much revolves around their whistle, their sleeping space, the tree, the path between the two, the drum and themselves.
Dancers are not obligated to Dance every round, though one does have to Dance at least one round each day. If you're tired or weak or too hot or want to meditate or sleep or just chill, you can stay in your area during Dancing.
Dress Code
"Modest" clothing is the order of the day. This means shoulders and chests must be covered (no tank tops, sports bras or shirtless men). Legs must be covered to at least the knee. I think even midriffs must be covered, but I'm not 100% certain on that one.
Skirts must be worn - even by the guys. The symbolism here is the round skirt hem is synonymous with the round Earth. It's open for energies to "rise up" through the feet. I'm assuming since the skirt is also associated with the more "passive" sex, it puts in place the psychological mindset to be open and receptive to the powerful energies of the Universe. You're welcome to draw whatever analogies you like.
Fortunately you're not forbidden to wear anything under the skirt.
Guys typically wear shorts with a sarong tied around their waist. It works just as well. Some ladies do this too.
Other than those few points, anything goes. Colors, materials, layers and styles are at the Dancer's discretion. One is encouraged to dress for the weather: hot days, cool nights, possible rain, possible intense sun.
You can be barefoot or wear shoes/sandals as you like.
Jewelry is fine.
Hats and other head-coverings are fine. Since there's no bathing during the Dance, most people cover their hair by the end.
Falling
The Dance can dredge up a lot of emotional baggage for people. Sometimes people crumple under the weight of what bubbles up. Some people deliberately charge at the tree multiple times until they bounce off and land flat on their back. Other people slip into a state where Vision happens and drift to the ground. Whatever the reason, if a Dancer falls down or collapses during a round of Dancing the drummers immediately quiet the beat without stopping the rhythm. This is an indication to the Dancers (who may not have noticed the fall yet) to stop where they are in their circuit. Usually they'll continue blowing their whistles, just quietly.
The Helpers, led by one of the facilitators will enter the arbor with a large sheet.
The facilitator will assess what state the fallen Dancer is in and this will determine how long they'll lay where they fell. Unless the facilitator needs to intervene for the health or safety of the Dancer, the fallen Dancer is touched as little as possible.
Once it's determined it's okay to move them, the Dancer is gently rolled onto the sheet and carried by the Helpers to their sleeping area. Once they're lifted off the ground, all the other Dancers blow their whistles loudly to show their support for the fallen Dancer. Depending on the reason for their fall someone may sit with them for a while.
Usually Dancing resumes once the Helpers have again left the arbor.
The fallen Dancer will always at least sit out the rest of that round of Dancing.
Four Days, Four Years
Four tends to pop up frequently in Native American ritual. Apart from the four days of the Dance, Dancers are also asked to commit to participating for four years. There's different reasons for this and different people will give you different answers.
A short, sweet and easy answer is partly because the Dance is such an alien concept within our Western culture, the four year commitment gives the Dancer the opportunity to have a full and well-rounded experience.
The first year can be a bit overwhelming since the new Dancer may not really know what's going on or what to expect.
Year two offers the Dancer a little less sensory overload so they can deepen into their Dance with less worry and more understanding.
By year three one has a much better idea of what to expect and you can "let go and let God" much easier.
Year four is a culmination of what one has learned throughout the previous Dances and the door is opened for gratitude and an ever deepening connection to Spirit/God/Divinity.
So why do all this?
People Dance for many reasons and I won't try to speculate much on them.
My own reasons are rather nebulous even to myself but it's something I'm always honored to do.
I Dance as a willing sacrifice for the greater whole.
I Dance to open myself more to Divinity.
I Dance to find my own strength.
Relatively speaking we live in a very safe world full of guardrails and safety labels. I think to a certain degree this sheltered, pillowed existence numbs the spirit. The "adrenaline junkie" tries to break out of that cushioned bubble by doing things that are daring and dangerous. Nothing makes one feel more alive than coming face to face with how tenuous life can be.
I kind of see the Sun-Moon Dance as something like that, just with more meaning placed upon it. Like what was stated before though, it'd not an endurance race. You don't do it to see how hard you can push your body. You do it to see how much you can live.
It is inherently dangerous though. Dancers are watched very carefully and will get pulled from the Dance if they're in genuine distress. Fasting isn't fun, especially in our well-fed society. You do get hungry. You do get thirsty. Some people even experience physical pain from fasting.
But you survive.
My body doesn't do well when overtaxed and every time I choose to Dance (this year will in theory be the last), I need to take a hard and honest look at where I'm at to see if my body can handle it that year. I don't Dance on years where I have something big planned near the Dance. It needs all your focus and attention and it takes a lot out of you.
It gives you a lot back though. The inner strength one gains from completing a Dance is pretty hard to beat. It can completely dissolve one's fear of death and also one's fear of life.
It's difficult and terrifying but it's also life-affirming and amazing.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Playing Catch-Up (Karate-related)
In my adult life I've been drawn to activities that I know will challenge me. I happen to be a quick study though, so once I've reached a level of proficiency I'm happy with I tend to drop that activity without guilt or remorse and move on to the next thing to pour my attention into.
This was my initial draw to Karate. Like yoga, Tai Chi and belly dance before it I picked it up quickly and even practiced what I could at home. I advanced quickly and had a blast with it.
Despite there being many reasons why I left after just a year and a half of study, one reason was hitting that inevitable plateau of proficiency.
When I returned almost three years later and got pounced on by Sensei to go for my brown belt though, something shifted. I had made it as far as I could get on my base-line skills alone, if I truly wanted to keep advancing I'd have to step it up and take it far more seriously than I had any other hobby prior to that. And that's exactly what I did.
Having just barely squeaked by for my 3rd Kyu I was determined to never test that poorly again (in my defense I only had about two months to prepare for that test). Since then I've started getting up a half hour early each morning to do strength and flexibility exercises on my own (something I would have never dreamed of doing before even when I was marathon training!). I've adjusted my diet to include more fresh fruits and vegetables (I already had carbs and proteins well-covered). Just like when preparing for my third degree brown belt test, I show up early for every class and stay for every advanced class I can. I even bug advanced students for private lessons whenever I feel I can swing it. I'm a woman on a mission!
Why? You may ask. What makes this different from everything else?
My main answer is that Karate is an activity where one's level of ability is actually labeled (with the belt system) and I'm playing catch-up with my rank-peers.
Most people who make it up to the higher ranks in a martial art have been doing it since they were kids. Even if they take a break for college or work or military service or marriage or whatever, they have those years of prior experience behind them to help them through their training gap. They have the muscle memory to backup their movements. Half-forgotten combinations from their childhood are easily reactivated with a little practice. Principles they've been hearing since they were ten have soaked into their thinking and being, hardly requiring a second thought.
I started taking Karate when I was 30. Sure I'd done about three years of Tai Chi before that but I hardly count that since Tai Chi is a soft style with very different movements. If you do want to count that though it still only means I've been studying martial arts since my mid- to late-twenties.
I also came to Karate with different motives than most adults. I'm not doing it as a fear reaction or even specifically for physical fitness (though that "side effect" is nice). I do it because I enjoy the physical challenge. I want to see if I really can be able to do a full split some day (I'm getting close!). I want to see if I really can throw a front snap kick to a person's face (the dynamics of which are still an utter mystery to me though).
And that's another thing that motivates me: the mystery. There's still so much to learn but with the promise that it's all learnable with enough time and effort. And I want to learn so much!
And so that's why I get up early in the morning to do my 35-50 push-ups (I'd like to work up to a consistent 50) or hold a horse stance for two solid minutes or learn how to land a roundhouse kick with the ball of my foot rather than the top. My goal is to have my black belt by the time I'm 40 (which is five years away). It's a lofty goal, but achievable.
Sure all this playing catch-up can lead to muscle soreness, jammed toes and bruised shins and knees, but I'm having a hell of a lot of fun in the process!
This was my initial draw to Karate. Like yoga, Tai Chi and belly dance before it I picked it up quickly and even practiced what I could at home. I advanced quickly and had a blast with it.
Despite there being many reasons why I left after just a year and a half of study, one reason was hitting that inevitable plateau of proficiency.
When I returned almost three years later and got pounced on by Sensei to go for my brown belt though, something shifted. I had made it as far as I could get on my base-line skills alone, if I truly wanted to keep advancing I'd have to step it up and take it far more seriously than I had any other hobby prior to that. And that's exactly what I did.
Having just barely squeaked by for my 3rd Kyu I was determined to never test that poorly again (in my defense I only had about two months to prepare for that test). Since then I've started getting up a half hour early each morning to do strength and flexibility exercises on my own (something I would have never dreamed of doing before even when I was marathon training!). I've adjusted my diet to include more fresh fruits and vegetables (I already had carbs and proteins well-covered). Just like when preparing for my third degree brown belt test, I show up early for every class and stay for every advanced class I can. I even bug advanced students for private lessons whenever I feel I can swing it. I'm a woman on a mission!
Why? You may ask. What makes this different from everything else?
My main answer is that Karate is an activity where one's level of ability is actually labeled (with the belt system) and I'm playing catch-up with my rank-peers.
Most people who make it up to the higher ranks in a martial art have been doing it since they were kids. Even if they take a break for college or work or military service or marriage or whatever, they have those years of prior experience behind them to help them through their training gap. They have the muscle memory to backup their movements. Half-forgotten combinations from their childhood are easily reactivated with a little practice. Principles they've been hearing since they were ten have soaked into their thinking and being, hardly requiring a second thought.
I started taking Karate when I was 30. Sure I'd done about three years of Tai Chi before that but I hardly count that since Tai Chi is a soft style with very different movements. If you do want to count that though it still only means I've been studying martial arts since my mid- to late-twenties.
I also came to Karate with different motives than most adults. I'm not doing it as a fear reaction or even specifically for physical fitness (though that "side effect" is nice). I do it because I enjoy the physical challenge. I want to see if I really can be able to do a full split some day (I'm getting close!). I want to see if I really can throw a front snap kick to a person's face (the dynamics of which are still an utter mystery to me though).
And that's another thing that motivates me: the mystery. There's still so much to learn but with the promise that it's all learnable with enough time and effort. And I want to learn so much!
And so that's why I get up early in the morning to do my 35-50 push-ups (I'd like to work up to a consistent 50) or hold a horse stance for two solid minutes or learn how to land a roundhouse kick with the ball of my foot rather than the top. My goal is to have my black belt by the time I'm 40 (which is five years away). It's a lofty goal, but achievable.
Sure all this playing catch-up can lead to muscle soreness, jammed toes and bruised shins and knees, but I'm having a hell of a lot of fun in the process!
Monday, January 5, 2015
Being in Shape
Well, for better or worse the New Year is here and many people will make the age-old resolution to "get in shape", but what does that mean really?
For many that just automatically means losing a few pounds and running on a treadmill for the first six weeks of the new year.
As someone who's always been self-conscious of my weight (in the other direction) I bristle when people think that being skinny instantly means you're "in shape".
There's been times I couldn't jog up a gentle incline without being winded and my legs burning in agony. I can assure you that weight has nothing to do with being in shape; so what does it entail?
Personally I really like what this article says as it pretty much agrees with my own personal views on the topic. In a nutshell it boils it down to being physically fit (good muscle tone), and having a decent amount of physical endurance - something anyone can achieve no matter what the scale says.
I have a wonderful friend who most people would call "heavy". They'd likely look at her and think, "That chick needs to lose a few pounds!" She also happens to be one of the best belly dancers I know. Her muscle isolations are superb and her technique would make any seasoned dancer jealous. This lady - despite her weight - is very much in shape.
So don't get tangled up in what number glares back at you from the scale - it's really not as important as you think. Instead be active; and I don't mean running on a treadmill for hours on end. I've done that before when I was marathon training and hated every minute of it. Running is bad for your knees anyway and needs to be supplemented with other exercises to keep from damaging your joints. Instead take up a physical hobby like dance or hiking or biking or swimming or martial arts or yoga or Pilates.
For some reason people seem to think that recreational physical activity is just for kids. They sign the little ones up for soccer and softball and gymnastics. They drive them all over the place for meets and competitions and recitals, but don't take a single moment for themselves to do something fun that'll get the blood pumping!
Grown-ups need activities too. Drop the kids off at practice and go off to your own class. Hell, the kids might even be signed up for an activity that you can participate in as well! And before you say "I'm too old for [fill in the blank]" remind yourself that you wanted to get in shape right? If you can afford the time and money for a gym membership you won't be using come March (and feel guilty about), you can find the time and money for something you'll actually enjoy and stick with.
Get off the scale and get on a yoga mat or a dance floor or a ball field or whatever. Get moving!
For many that just automatically means losing a few pounds and running on a treadmill for the first six weeks of the new year.
As someone who's always been self-conscious of my weight (in the other direction) I bristle when people think that being skinny instantly means you're "in shape".
There's been times I couldn't jog up a gentle incline without being winded and my legs burning in agony. I can assure you that weight has nothing to do with being in shape; so what does it entail?
Personally I really like what this article says as it pretty much agrees with my own personal views on the topic. In a nutshell it boils it down to being physically fit (good muscle tone), and having a decent amount of physical endurance - something anyone can achieve no matter what the scale says.
I have a wonderful friend who most people would call "heavy". They'd likely look at her and think, "That chick needs to lose a few pounds!" She also happens to be one of the best belly dancers I know. Her muscle isolations are superb and her technique would make any seasoned dancer jealous. This lady - despite her weight - is very much in shape.
So don't get tangled up in what number glares back at you from the scale - it's really not as important as you think. Instead be active; and I don't mean running on a treadmill for hours on end. I've done that before when I was marathon training and hated every minute of it. Running is bad for your knees anyway and needs to be supplemented with other exercises to keep from damaging your joints. Instead take up a physical hobby like dance or hiking or biking or swimming or martial arts or yoga or Pilates.
For some reason people seem to think that recreational physical activity is just for kids. They sign the little ones up for soccer and softball and gymnastics. They drive them all over the place for meets and competitions and recitals, but don't take a single moment for themselves to do something fun that'll get the blood pumping!
Grown-ups need activities too. Drop the kids off at practice and go off to your own class. Hell, the kids might even be signed up for an activity that you can participate in as well! And before you say "I'm too old for [fill in the blank]" remind yourself that you wanted to get in shape right? If you can afford the time and money for a gym membership you won't be using come March (and feel guilty about), you can find the time and money for something you'll actually enjoy and stick with.
Get off the scale and get on a yoga mat or a dance floor or a ball field or whatever. Get moving!
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