Well, for better or worse the New Year is here and many people will make the age-old resolution to "get in shape", but what does that mean really?
For many that just automatically means losing a few pounds and running on a treadmill for the first six weeks of the new year.
As someone who's always been self-conscious of my weight (in the other direction) I bristle when people think that being skinny instantly means you're "in shape".
There's been times I couldn't jog up a gentle incline without being winded and my legs burning in agony. I can assure you that weight has nothing to do with being in shape; so what does it entail?
Personally I really like what this article says as it pretty much agrees with my own personal views on the topic. In a nutshell it boils it down to being physically fit (good muscle tone), and having a decent amount of physical endurance - something anyone can achieve no matter what the scale says.
I have a wonderful friend who most people would call "heavy". They'd likely look at her and think, "That chick needs to lose a few pounds!" She also happens to be one of the best belly dancers I know. Her muscle isolations are superb and her technique would make any seasoned dancer jealous. This lady - despite her weight - is very much in shape.
So don't get tangled up in what number glares back at you from the scale - it's really not as important as you think. Instead be active; and I don't mean running on a treadmill for hours on end. I've done that before when I was marathon training and hated every minute of it. Running is bad for your knees anyway and needs to be supplemented with other exercises to keep from damaging your joints. Instead take up a physical hobby like dance or hiking or biking or swimming or martial arts or yoga or Pilates.
For some reason people seem to think that recreational physical activity is just for kids. They sign the little ones up for soccer and softball and gymnastics. They drive them all over the place for meets and competitions and recitals, but don't take a single moment for themselves to do something fun that'll get the blood pumping!
Grown-ups need activities too. Drop the kids off at practice and go off to your own class. Hell, the kids might even be signed up for an activity that you can participate in as well! And before you say "I'm too old for [fill in the blank]" remind yourself that you wanted to get in shape right? If you can afford the time and money for a gym membership you won't be using come March (and feel guilty about), you can find the time and money for something you'll actually enjoy and stick with.
Get off the scale and get on a yoga mat or a dance floor or a ball field or whatever. Get moving!
Monday, January 5, 2015
Thursday, December 18, 2014
NaNoWriMo - After Thoughts
So I completed a second year of NaNoWriMo. Woot!
It's interesting comparing this year to last.
For instance, last year I was rather hard-pressed to reach the full 50k words. I did everything in my power to be extra wordy. I avoided using hyphenated words and I elaborated on some points a little more thoroughly than I would have on my own.
This year I didn't have that problem at all - the book is only half-done actually.
Because I had far more story than what was necessary to cross that 50k finish line, I had the luxury of bouncing around a little. Don't feel like writing that particular scene? No worries, move on to the next!
In that sense it was quite liberating taking on a project bigger than NaNo's puny 50k word-count goal. But in the grand scheme of things I've found it to be a hindrance as well. This month it's been very difficult to find the motivation to sit down and hammer out the rest of the book (and fill in those pesky little scenes that I skipped over in November).
I'm hoping it's just the frenzied schedule set by the holidays and that after the New Year I'll be interested in writing again because frankly I've had little to interest to sit and write of late.
It is nice to have "The Kai'us Planet" up and breathing again. I've been just tickled pink with the reworked scenes. They flow so nicely; they grab you and carry you along for the ride (or at least I think so!). Plot points that were clumsily introduced far too late in the story before are put right out there in the open in this version. The characters act and react in more plausible ways now.
I also really like that fact that the Kai'us' now really don't care much about the Humans' "advanced technology". In earlier versions the main characters did everything they could to hide their tech from the "primitive natives" lest they contaminate their culture with ideas centuries beyond their natural development. Instead the Kai'us' look on the Humans' scanners, clothing and weapons with pity as inferior substitutions for things that come natural to them. It takes the "Dance's with Wolves" element out of the story, which makes me happy.
Fortunately even the folks over at NaNoWriMo's site know that December is a crappy month for writing. They talk about January and February being the editing months. I'm excited for those resources to fire up so I can finish "The Kai'us Planet" and get those galley prints made!
Just like last year though, I'm not sure if I'll tackle NaNo again.
Of course - like last year - things can change!
It's interesting comparing this year to last.
For instance, last year I was rather hard-pressed to reach the full 50k words. I did everything in my power to be extra wordy. I avoided using hyphenated words and I elaborated on some points a little more thoroughly than I would have on my own.
This year I didn't have that problem at all - the book is only half-done actually.
Because I had far more story than what was necessary to cross that 50k finish line, I had the luxury of bouncing around a little. Don't feel like writing that particular scene? No worries, move on to the next!
In that sense it was quite liberating taking on a project bigger than NaNo's puny 50k word-count goal. But in the grand scheme of things I've found it to be a hindrance as well. This month it's been very difficult to find the motivation to sit down and hammer out the rest of the book (and fill in those pesky little scenes that I skipped over in November).
I'm hoping it's just the frenzied schedule set by the holidays and that after the New Year I'll be interested in writing again because frankly I've had little to interest to sit and write of late.
It is nice to have "The Kai'us Planet" up and breathing again. I've been just tickled pink with the reworked scenes. They flow so nicely; they grab you and carry you along for the ride (or at least I think so!). Plot points that were clumsily introduced far too late in the story before are put right out there in the open in this version. The characters act and react in more plausible ways now.
I also really like that fact that the Kai'us' now really don't care much about the Humans' "advanced technology". In earlier versions the main characters did everything they could to hide their tech from the "primitive natives" lest they contaminate their culture with ideas centuries beyond their natural development. Instead the Kai'us' look on the Humans' scanners, clothing and weapons with pity as inferior substitutions for things that come natural to them. It takes the "Dance's with Wolves" element out of the story, which makes me happy.
Fortunately even the folks over at NaNoWriMo's site know that December is a crappy month for writing. They talk about January and February being the editing months. I'm excited for those resources to fire up so I can finish "The Kai'us Planet" and get those galley prints made!
Just like last year though, I'm not sure if I'll tackle NaNo again.
Of course - like last year - things can change!
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Over the Hill (NaNo Related)
So we've finally passed the halfway point for NaNoWriMo and I am finally caught back up to that ever-demanding daily goal line (I fell behind last week).
This is the point where many people typically lose focus as to how to advance the plot or lose steam or interest all together. For me though the story is just now picking up. This is a good thing and a bad thing.
On the good side: I don't have to worry about where the story is going. With some pleasant divergence from previous plot points, the main characters have finally encountered the Kai'us' and things are steamrolling along as everyone gets to know everyone else and their motives. A character they thought was dead will be returning soon and more secrets will be revealed. Juicy stuff awaits!
On the bad side: I need to slam the reader with TONS of information about this alien culture so they know just what's going on and why without it bogging down the plot flow or boring the reader. There's a lot of subtle work on my part to slip in useful information without the reader really noticing. It often means going back as I remember a particular little piece of information that needs to go in a certain place and making "quiet" little tweaks here and there.
The natives also speak their own language and though I have previous glossaries to borrow from, I'm always reconstructing their grammar on the fly and so a fair amount of thought needs to go into every word spoken in the Kai'us language. That slows me down a little. I suppose I could just plow through and put in English placeholders or simple gibberish and just clean it up later, but I can't write like that. Their language is part of their identity and for me a simple turn of phrase or euphemism can subtly change the feel of a whole scene. How we speak is how we think and vise versa, so hammering out how these beings verbally communicate gives me (and therefore the reader) a subconscious insight into how their minds work and allows for a connection to happen that's so crucial to good story telling.
Maybe I'm over-thinking it and making more work for myself, but it is quite satisfying!
Given where I am in the story compared to what's still left to tell, it looks like I'll probably be crossing that finish line with plenty more story waiting, but that's okay; I've got the hardest part written (the beginning).
The interesting thing with is rewrite is the change in pacing. In previous versions the characters get days, sometimes weeks before the next big thing happens to them. In this version they're not afforded a moments peace (yes, I'm apparently turning into a sadistic writer mwahahahaha!)
Right when they catch their footing, think they've got their situation stabilized and they can settle in to a new "normal", the bottom drops out again and they have to figure out how to stay alive all over again. It's kind of mean to the characters, but makes for some great, heart-pounding reading!
So here's to an amazing second half!
This is the point where many people typically lose focus as to how to advance the plot or lose steam or interest all together. For me though the story is just now picking up. This is a good thing and a bad thing.
On the good side: I don't have to worry about where the story is going. With some pleasant divergence from previous plot points, the main characters have finally encountered the Kai'us' and things are steamrolling along as everyone gets to know everyone else and their motives. A character they thought was dead will be returning soon and more secrets will be revealed. Juicy stuff awaits!
On the bad side: I need to slam the reader with TONS of information about this alien culture so they know just what's going on and why without it bogging down the plot flow or boring the reader. There's a lot of subtle work on my part to slip in useful information without the reader really noticing. It often means going back as I remember a particular little piece of information that needs to go in a certain place and making "quiet" little tweaks here and there.
The natives also speak their own language and though I have previous glossaries to borrow from, I'm always reconstructing their grammar on the fly and so a fair amount of thought needs to go into every word spoken in the Kai'us language. That slows me down a little. I suppose I could just plow through and put in English placeholders or simple gibberish and just clean it up later, but I can't write like that. Their language is part of their identity and for me a simple turn of phrase or euphemism can subtly change the feel of a whole scene. How we speak is how we think and vise versa, so hammering out how these beings verbally communicate gives me (and therefore the reader) a subconscious insight into how their minds work and allows for a connection to happen that's so crucial to good story telling.
Maybe I'm over-thinking it and making more work for myself, but it is quite satisfying!
Given where I am in the story compared to what's still left to tell, it looks like I'll probably be crossing that finish line with plenty more story waiting, but that's okay; I've got the hardest part written (the beginning).
The interesting thing with is rewrite is the change in pacing. In previous versions the characters get days, sometimes weeks before the next big thing happens to them. In this version they're not afforded a moments peace (yes, I'm apparently turning into a sadistic writer mwahahahaha!)
Right when they catch their footing, think they've got their situation stabilized and they can settle in to a new "normal", the bottom drops out again and they have to figure out how to stay alive all over again. It's kind of mean to the characters, but makes for some great, heart-pounding reading!
So here's to an amazing second half!
Monday, November 3, 2014
The Second Go-Around (NaNo-related)
You may have heard (once or twice, lol) that I'm participating in NaNoWriMo this year.
This is my second year doing it and I must say there's some major differences between my approach this year from last. Last year my decision to join was semi-last minute (within the last week or two before November 1st). I was terrified about finishing "on time and on budget". I broke down the various sections of my story into word-count goals (which actually did help). I participated in the forums; I watched pep-talks and videos about tips and tricks on youTube and I was so freaking exhilarated when I crossed the finish line!
This year I made my decision to participate weeks in advance. I kept stalking the NaNo home page, waiting for it to reset so I could put in my novel info for this year.
This time 'round I don't need the pep-talks and the "you can do it!" support from the forums. I have the rough outline I threw together the last time I tried to jump-start this project (again).
As expected, I still need to go hunting for information I never thought to jot down earlier, but you know what? I'm okay with that.
Though I take the daily word counts very seriously, I have no desire to run ahead of the daily quotas. Get your 1,667 words in and stop for the day - don't kill yourself (unless some burst of productivity seizes you). I'm not going to freak out if I reach the end of the story and am falling short by a few thousand words. I really have no idea how long this beast is going to be (I never do). But I don't care honestly. I want the story written.
I may blow past 50k words. I may not. What matters more to me this year for NaNo is getting this damned story pulled together, preferably devoid of those stupid plot holes that have been plaguing me for years.
I see the differences between this year and last as being a parent for the first and second time.
With a first child you do all your research and try to do everything right. You hover, you worry, you lose sleep.
With baby number two, you're an old veteran at that point. You know what matters and what doesn't. You still care, but not in the hand-wringing, worrying sort of way. You're more inclined to let things happen in their own time on their own terms.
I'm rather liking baby number two ;)
This is my second year doing it and I must say there's some major differences between my approach this year from last. Last year my decision to join was semi-last minute (within the last week or two before November 1st). I was terrified about finishing "on time and on budget". I broke down the various sections of my story into word-count goals (which actually did help). I participated in the forums; I watched pep-talks and videos about tips and tricks on youTube and I was so freaking exhilarated when I crossed the finish line!
This year I made my decision to participate weeks in advance. I kept stalking the NaNo home page, waiting for it to reset so I could put in my novel info for this year.
This time 'round I don't need the pep-talks and the "you can do it!" support from the forums. I have the rough outline I threw together the last time I tried to jump-start this project (again).
As expected, I still need to go hunting for information I never thought to jot down earlier, but you know what? I'm okay with that.
Though I take the daily word counts very seriously, I have no desire to run ahead of the daily quotas. Get your 1,667 words in and stop for the day - don't kill yourself (unless some burst of productivity seizes you). I'm not going to freak out if I reach the end of the story and am falling short by a few thousand words. I really have no idea how long this beast is going to be (I never do). But I don't care honestly. I want the story written.
I may blow past 50k words. I may not. What matters more to me this year for NaNo is getting this damned story pulled together, preferably devoid of those stupid plot holes that have been plaguing me for years.
I see the differences between this year and last as being a parent for the first and second time.
With a first child you do all your research and try to do everything right. You hover, you worry, you lose sleep.
With baby number two, you're an old veteran at that point. You know what matters and what doesn't. You still care, but not in the hand-wringing, worrying sort of way. You're more inclined to let things happen in their own time on their own terms.
I'm rather liking baby number two ;)
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Getting to the Point (Life Musings)
As of this writing I have eight drafts sitting here in my blog archive that span three months. In that time I've only made two posts.
Eight times I'd tried to compose a witty, insightful piece of prose but couldn't get it tied up to the point where it made a point. I've tried a few different topics too: struggles with my career, frustrations with the endless plot holes I'm finding in "The Kai'us Planet" and musings about martial arts.
All started out with a spark that interested me enough to try typing them up, but then they each fizzled into a meandering monolog that went nowhere. Eight. Times.
It's annoying but not as frightening as it may be for a writer.
Getting ready for the wedding did indeed eat up a fair amount of my time and energy and now I'm waiting with baited breath for NaNoWriMo to start in less than a week!
Still, I'd like to get a post up and I might as well at least touch on these topics that I've been struggling so hard to articulate in a thought-provoking fashion.
1) My career: I do rather live by the adage of "It turns out I don't want a career, all I want is a pay check". Though it's true that apart from the retail job I had for six months the year after I graduated college and the in-home caregiver job I had for nine months to tide me over till I could find more steady work, all the jobs I've had for the whole of my adult life have been (at least vaguely) in the field I went to school for. Problem is that I take major pay-cuts with each new job I get. I'm pay-cutting myself into poverty and it's downright frustrating.
The easy answer is to switch careers, but to what?
Nursing or midwifery seem to be the obvious answers, but with my open disdain of the medical realm I really don't think I'd be happy there long.
Things are further complicated by the fact that I actually do very much like where I'm presently working. I'm good at what I do, I like my co-workers AND boss/manager and have a fair amount of personal freedom. The only real downside is the pay; so I'm continuing to noodle over what I should do there.
2) "The Kai'us Planet": I'm continually amazed at all the plot holes that have carried through "The Kai'us Planet" throughout the years, but that's why I'm rewriting it from scratch for NaNo this year. There will be absolutely no copy/paste in this version from versions prior. I'm going to force myself to assess each and every scene, plot point and character motivation to make sure it's as solid a piece of sci-fi as can be churned out in 30 days. (Then I'll spend the next year or two editing the hell out of the thing!)
3) Martial Arts: The longer I continue with Karate (I've been back for almost eight months now), the more I love it. I'm even making compromises that I never thought I'd do! For one I'm keeping my nails trimmed back shorter than the length I typically wear them just so that making a good, solid fist is easier. Another gasp-worthy change is I'm getting up a full half-hour earlier each morning just so I can do exercises to increase my strength and flexibility.
I've got a self-created three-day plan going presently: Day 1 is focused on legs and hips. My goal is to work up to a full split, but honestly my hips have always given me issue, so anything I can do to improve their mobility is great!
Day 2 is arms and upper body. I'm appalled at how poorly I do push-ups in class, so I work on my own to get better at that. Still have a long way to go and I continue to add exercises that'll hopefully help there.
Day 3 is a rest day and I usually need it. This doesn't mean I sleep in that extra half hour - I don't want to mess up my schedule by doing something silly like that - instead I do chores on those mornings or just spend a little extra time on the computer before work. I have a feeling Day 3 days will be a godsend during NaNoWriMo!
I'm still hellbent on trying to test for my next rank in May. It's "only" seven months away and I still have a lot of work to do, but it's far more prep time than I've had for any of my other tests, so I think I'll do okay.
So those are the three main topics that I've had on my mind a lot lately that I've been unable to pull together in a way that was entertaining and awesome for this blog.
I'm hoping my second dive into NaNoWriMo brings out my witty humor again and maybe even some random short-stories will come your way when I need a break from that annual 50k word marathon!
Eight times I'd tried to compose a witty, insightful piece of prose but couldn't get it tied up to the point where it made a point. I've tried a few different topics too: struggles with my career, frustrations with the endless plot holes I'm finding in "The Kai'us Planet" and musings about martial arts.
All started out with a spark that interested me enough to try typing them up, but then they each fizzled into a meandering monolog that went nowhere. Eight. Times.
It's annoying but not as frightening as it may be for a writer.
Getting ready for the wedding did indeed eat up a fair amount of my time and energy and now I'm waiting with baited breath for NaNoWriMo to start in less than a week!
Still, I'd like to get a post up and I might as well at least touch on these topics that I've been struggling so hard to articulate in a thought-provoking fashion.
1) My career: I do rather live by the adage of "It turns out I don't want a career, all I want is a pay check". Though it's true that apart from the retail job I had for six months the year after I graduated college and the in-home caregiver job I had for nine months to tide me over till I could find more steady work, all the jobs I've had for the whole of my adult life have been (at least vaguely) in the field I went to school for. Problem is that I take major pay-cuts with each new job I get. I'm pay-cutting myself into poverty and it's downright frustrating.
The easy answer is to switch careers, but to what?
Nursing or midwifery seem to be the obvious answers, but with my open disdain of the medical realm I really don't think I'd be happy there long.
Things are further complicated by the fact that I actually do very much like where I'm presently working. I'm good at what I do, I like my co-workers AND boss/manager and have a fair amount of personal freedom. The only real downside is the pay; so I'm continuing to noodle over what I should do there.
2) "The Kai'us Planet": I'm continually amazed at all the plot holes that have carried through "The Kai'us Planet" throughout the years, but that's why I'm rewriting it from scratch for NaNo this year. There will be absolutely no copy/paste in this version from versions prior. I'm going to force myself to assess each and every scene, plot point and character motivation to make sure it's as solid a piece of sci-fi as can be churned out in 30 days. (Then I'll spend the next year or two editing the hell out of the thing!)
3) Martial Arts: The longer I continue with Karate (I've been back for almost eight months now), the more I love it. I'm even making compromises that I never thought I'd do! For one I'm keeping my nails trimmed back shorter than the length I typically wear them just so that making a good, solid fist is easier. Another gasp-worthy change is I'm getting up a full half-hour earlier each morning just so I can do exercises to increase my strength and flexibility.
I've got a self-created three-day plan going presently: Day 1 is focused on legs and hips. My goal is to work up to a full split, but honestly my hips have always given me issue, so anything I can do to improve their mobility is great!
Day 2 is arms and upper body. I'm appalled at how poorly I do push-ups in class, so I work on my own to get better at that. Still have a long way to go and I continue to add exercises that'll hopefully help there.
Day 3 is a rest day and I usually need it. This doesn't mean I sleep in that extra half hour - I don't want to mess up my schedule by doing something silly like that - instead I do chores on those mornings or just spend a little extra time on the computer before work. I have a feeling Day 3 days will be a godsend during NaNoWriMo!
I'm still hellbent on trying to test for my next rank in May. It's "only" seven months away and I still have a lot of work to do, but it's far more prep time than I've had for any of my other tests, so I think I'll do okay.
So those are the three main topics that I've had on my mind a lot lately that I've been unable to pull together in a way that was entertaining and awesome for this blog.
I'm hoping my second dive into NaNoWriMo brings out my witty humor again and maybe even some random short-stories will come your way when I need a break from that annual 50k word marathon!
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Post-Wedding Life Update
I've been neglecting this blog something terrible of late because I was busy with wedding prep. Don't feel bad though - I've been neglecting pretty much everything else as well (my poor house is an absolute wreck!)
So now I'm married (yeah!)
Thank heavens society has reached a point where people don't look at one funny when told the bride didn't change her name!
Once we get our formal pics back from the photographer I'll be submitting the full wedding story to The Offbeat Bride. Until then I'll gloss over the lovely day we had.
Apart from the chilly, icky weather it really was a wonderful day full of friends and family and food!
So what plans do I have post-nuptials?
Well, I'm going to do NaNoWriMo again this year! (Look me up under GwendolynWilkins).
Last year I didn't want to touch "The Kai'us Planet" as a potential NaNo project. This year I can think of nothing else I'd rather do!
So that's happening.
I already have a vague outline sketched out and some other helpful resource material written down; but I have a feeling I'm just going to pants the damned thing (like I always have). I mean I've written it from start to finish at least five times - I'm pretty sure I know how the story goes!
Still, as I revisit particular scenes in my head I'm continually appalled at all the blaring plot holes I come across. In fact I don't think I've hit upon a single scene that I haven't found a major issue that will need to be addressed in the NaNo re-write. (Hmm...maybe I should do a write-up pointing out all these plot holes and my plan for closing them up...)
While I wait for the starting bell for NaNo to ding on November 1st, I've promised my business partner that I'd work on inventory this month so we'll be all set and ready to go for our Christmas season craft fairs. (Time to plug our website and etsy pages!!)
So those are the immediate plans.
Though the wedding ate up a fair amount of my time for the past couple months, not much has changed in its aftermath. We had no intention of doing a honeymoon straight away. The current game plan is taking that fabled road trip through the Rocky Mountains, hitting all the National Parks we can along the way.
Ah, glorious travel!
I'm still enjoying Karate to no end and am still planning on trying for my next rank in May of next year. We'll see how that goes - a lot of improvements in kicking needs to happen between now and then though!
I'm going to try to be a little more participatory over here on the blog.
There's always random musings floating around in the ol' noggin and no doubt a few of those will grace these pixels on occasion.
Thanks for sticking around and here's to hoping there's more to come!
So now I'm married (yeah!)
Thank heavens society has reached a point where people don't look at one funny when told the bride didn't change her name!
Once we get our formal pics back from the photographer I'll be submitting the full wedding story to The Offbeat Bride. Until then I'll gloss over the lovely day we had.
Apart from the chilly, icky weather it really was a wonderful day full of friends and family and food!
So what plans do I have post-nuptials?
Well, I'm going to do NaNoWriMo again this year! (Look me up under GwendolynWilkins).
Last year I didn't want to touch "The Kai'us Planet" as a potential NaNo project. This year I can think of nothing else I'd rather do!
So that's happening.
I already have a vague outline sketched out and some other helpful resource material written down; but I have a feeling I'm just going to pants the damned thing (like I always have). I mean I've written it from start to finish at least five times - I'm pretty sure I know how the story goes!
Still, as I revisit particular scenes in my head I'm continually appalled at all the blaring plot holes I come across. In fact I don't think I've hit upon a single scene that I haven't found a major issue that will need to be addressed in the NaNo re-write. (Hmm...maybe I should do a write-up pointing out all these plot holes and my plan for closing them up...)
While I wait for the starting bell for NaNo to ding on November 1st, I've promised my business partner that I'd work on inventory this month so we'll be all set and ready to go for our Christmas season craft fairs. (Time to plug our website and etsy pages!!)
So those are the immediate plans.
Though the wedding ate up a fair amount of my time for the past couple months, not much has changed in its aftermath. We had no intention of doing a honeymoon straight away. The current game plan is taking that fabled road trip through the Rocky Mountains, hitting all the National Parks we can along the way.
Ah, glorious travel!
I'm still enjoying Karate to no end and am still planning on trying for my next rank in May of next year. We'll see how that goes - a lot of improvements in kicking needs to happen between now and then though!
I'm going to try to be a little more participatory over here on the blog.
There's always random musings floating around in the ol' noggin and no doubt a few of those will grace these pixels on occasion.
Thanks for sticking around and here's to hoping there's more to come!
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
My Stomach and Me (Humor)
Though I've never been formally diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, I've just come to assume that's what I have. My IBS has gotten significantly better in recent years (I used to be plagued with near daily symptoms that were affecting my desire to eat anything at all). About ten years ago I had to go on a highly restrictive diet for about a year. That year of detox got me back to where I can pretty much eat whatever I want whenever I like; the only limitation now is eating after 6:30, 7:00pm.
I warn all friends and family that I can't eat after that time of day. Happily I have plenty of self-control, so I'm rarely tempted to have "just one slice of pizza", or a "small bowl of ice cream". I know that such indiscretions will send my digestive system into terrible spasms of nauseous and diarrhea, making my whole body shake and sweat, and my breathing sound like I've been running sprints for the past hour.
It's frustrating though because I tend to be up until 11:00 at night - that's a pretty long stretch of time to go without eating. With all that in mind, I'd like to present a sample conversation I have with my stomach on a frequent basis:
5:30pm
ME: Alright! Home from work. What do you want for dinner?
STOMACH: Eh, whatever you want, I'm not terribly hungry. That snack we had at 3:00 is still holding.
ME: Okay, I'll just scarf down a quick yogurt. You let me know when you want something more substantial though.
6:30pm
ME: How about it? Want some spaghetti or some fried eggs or something?
STOMACH: Nah. That yogurt was enough. We're good.
7:30pm
ME: Tick-tock, tick-tock. We're down to just being able to eat toast or oatmeal at this point.
STOMACH: Pfff! I've got my second wind baby! We can go all night long!
8:30pm
STOMACH: Feed me.
ME: You're kidding right? I asked you three times already and you said "no".
STOMACH: But I'm hungry now!
ME: Tough, you're going to have to deal with it.
9:30pm
STOMACH: FEED ME NOW!
ME: Nope, you had your chance. You're just going to have to suffer, otherwise you'll make me suffer.
10:30pm
STOMACH: <sobbing> Why do you hate me?!?
ME: Because you don't know how to play well with others. No food for you!
STOMACH: But I'm soooooo hungry!
ME: Yeah and how do you like the alternative? I want to sleep tonight! You're not getting anything until 7:00 tomorrow morning.
STOMACH: I'm going to die!
ME: No, that's what you would do if we ate anything right now. You're going to have to suck it up and wait.
STOMACH: i hate u.
And this boys and girls, is why I can't gain weight.
I warn all friends and family that I can't eat after that time of day. Happily I have plenty of self-control, so I'm rarely tempted to have "just one slice of pizza", or a "small bowl of ice cream". I know that such indiscretions will send my digestive system into terrible spasms of nauseous and diarrhea, making my whole body shake and sweat, and my breathing sound like I've been running sprints for the past hour.
It's frustrating though because I tend to be up until 11:00 at night - that's a pretty long stretch of time to go without eating. With all that in mind, I'd like to present a sample conversation I have with my stomach on a frequent basis:
5:30pm
ME: Alright! Home from work. What do you want for dinner?
STOMACH: Eh, whatever you want, I'm not terribly hungry. That snack we had at 3:00 is still holding.
ME: Okay, I'll just scarf down a quick yogurt. You let me know when you want something more substantial though.
6:30pm
ME: How about it? Want some spaghetti or some fried eggs or something?
STOMACH: Nah. That yogurt was enough. We're good.
7:30pm
ME: Tick-tock, tick-tock. We're down to just being able to eat toast or oatmeal at this point.
STOMACH: Pfff! I've got my second wind baby! We can go all night long!
8:30pm
STOMACH: Feed me.
ME: You're kidding right? I asked you three times already and you said "no".
STOMACH: But I'm hungry now!
ME: Tough, you're going to have to deal with it.
9:30pm
STOMACH: FEED ME NOW!
ME: Nope, you had your chance. You're just going to have to suffer, otherwise you'll make me suffer.
10:30pm
STOMACH: <sobbing> Why do you hate me?!?
ME: Because you don't know how to play well with others. No food for you!
STOMACH: But I'm soooooo hungry!
ME: Yeah and how do you like the alternative? I want to sleep tonight! You're not getting anything until 7:00 tomorrow morning.
STOMACH: I'm going to die!
ME: No, that's what you would do if we ate anything right now. You're going to have to suck it up and wait.
STOMACH: i hate u.
And this boys and girls, is why I can't gain weight.
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